it's bitter cold outside. The downstairs of my house could serve as a meat locker. Wind is sneaking through all the windows. I feel a little like I'm at a photo shoot with one of those oversized fans blowing my hair. Only I'm sure a photo shoot is warmer.

I have absolutely no projects going on right now. I stopped working at Upromise a few weeks ago and felt elated and relieved by the no longer having to be stressed out by my schedule. But today, I feel lethargic and guilty for not having some sort of work going on. I worked out, cleaned the kitchen, made some valentine's for my nieces and nephews, cleaned the kitchen and put away all the clothes piled on my chair. Then, I just laid on my bed and watched In Treatment and The Millionaire Matchmaker show, both of which i really enjoyed. It's warmer upstairs, and laying on my bed, watching guilty pleasure tv felt good, but it left me with nagging guilt, making me feel like I should be doing 101 other things--cleaning the third floor--a near constant to do on the to do list i carry around in my head everyday, putting away the clothes in the laundry basket, looking for work. I don't feel like doing any of it. I just feel like hanging out today and staying warm. I could read or watch tv, but more than that doesn't interest me today. why do i feel so guilty i wonder? why can't i just let it be, that this day is ok to spend being a slacker?