if you're bored, you're probably boring

i'm afraid i've fallen into the path of least resistance. that is to say, i'm lazy. i am choosing ba tv over reading, or going out, or playing a board game with one of my kids.

tv is like heroin, so seemingly innocent before you cue it up. "hello, my name is toni....." it's a difficult addiction to ditch, so comforting is it at night when i'm a big piece of toast and want nothing more than a staff to make dinner and clean up, while i watch the likes of rachel zoe, or project runway, or design star, or dexter. it's so effortless, so escapist, so mindless. it asks nothing of me and plays to exhaustion.

get off of your ass, toni. shut the fucking boob tube off and stop being a bore.

heat AND teenagers. oy

i feel like i'm in a toaster oven

whoa, dog days of august? first of all, it's september, second of all, it's more like the-viking-stove-on-broil days of august, thirdly, i'm having the worst hot flashes of my menopausal career. AND both my kids have teenage brain, which i've come to partially understand as a repeat of the toddler years, but with a better vocabulary and a bigger attitude.

i'm not having fun.

if men had to deal with menopause, i can tell you that there would be help for it by now and i wouldn't be suffering the moodiness, bloating, relentlessly dry skin, wake-up-at-3:00-in-the-morning, mental impairment that i'm square in the middle of. no, i feel sure that men would solve this joyous time of life and move through it quickly so they could get onto better things.

and teenagers. well, they don't really prepare you in any of those child rearing manuals for the heartbreak. the revulsion your face seems to incur, the just plain lonliness.

it's a thankless job, this motherhood.

all in all, not a great day. or time for me. but i will prevail. i will continue the good fight. and likely, i might feel a little bit better tomorrow.