in the middle of it is right

It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do after college. I wasn't one of those go-to-graduate-school,go-to-law-school,go-to-med.-school, work-for-daddy, get-married, kind of post graduates--all sure of myself with my future mapped out neat and pretty. Nope. I felt like everybody had gotten the big book of life in the mail, but me and I was a confused, aimless and utterly terrified. I waitressed (I had the personality for it, just not the organizational skills), I took a six week course at Katherine Gibbs (you were supposed to bring an extra pair of pantyhose with you everyday--can you imagine?) to learn to type (a skill that would have proven exceedingly useful during journalism school), I had loads of "informational interviews" with well-meaning, bored executives, and the rest of the time I alternated between feeling like a like the "L" on my forehead was neon, and like maybe finding the perfect career was overrated. But then I met a guy and he had a job and I liked his job and I thought I could do his job and he thought the same thing and pretty soon, bingo, with a lot of encouragement from the boyfriend, I took a couple classes, put a portfolio together, had a week of interviews and found myself a career. A career that was pretty great (although not brain surgery, fire fighting or working on a cure for cancer), but nonetheless helping the world of commerce to run by creating advertising that would sell products for a myriad of different clients.

And pretty soon, I found i loved advertising like a new boyfriend. I mean, I was just nuts about it.

Ok, so maybe it's shallow, but who wouldn't love showing up at an office, working with a partner (an art director, and generally pretty cool person) in an office, sitting on the floor, standing on your head, eating, smoking, screaming, singing and trading intimate details of your lives in an effort to come up with an original idea that would break through the nine bazillion pieces of communication out there. I mean, you are hired because they want you to think crazy. Sometimes I felt like getting paid was just icing. I made some really great friends who were and are important pieces of my history. I laughed so hard some days, i thought my face would break. I mean, I grew up in ad agencies. With people who were artists, and comedians, and some who just liked the idea of never having to bow to convention. I liked the whole thing. The not having to wear corporate clothes, the silly products, the work sessions at funky lunch spots, the great offices. It fit me. And I miss that part of it a lot. But it's not something I could ever go back to because it's a moment that's passed. It couldn't ever be the same again, which makes me sad and forces me to have to get real with finding something else that will stir me up as much as being a copywriter did when I was younger. What sucks about this is that just when you're in the middle of your life and some careers are just starting to value you for your experience, advertising does the exact opposite. See, advertising is just like society--youth obsessed. Agencie like the young and hip, not the old and hipp-y. It's all about working late, hanging out with your co-workers (so you're really working even when you're not) and traveling. It's not a great job for anyone who want to be a mom, say or a really involved dad, say, or for anyone who is planning on getting old. Because you can be a lot of things in advertising, but old isn't one of them.

I am old-ish, by advertising standards in particular, but I'm still working, albeit in a totally different way. I have my own small clients and I like them and do nice work for them and that's all just fine. I mean, I would probably never work in an agency environment again, because my interest and priorities have changed since I used to do that, but I do miss it, or anyway, I think what I really miss is just being so crazy excited everyday to go to work. Which I totally used to be.
I think it would be great to take my writing skills and throw them at something else, you know, getting some credit there for my experience. But I'm grappling with where, how, when? I search, I talk, I try on different things, but can't quite figure out something to do with my skills that will complement them or provide the adrenaline, which advertising provided for the majority of my working life.

Which means, I feel a little like I just got out of college again.